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Grudge is a necessary emotion, but not all children know how to drive. It appears when the child feels that a person has deliberately misbehaved with him.
It is important that our child learn to handle the grudge, otherwise, he will suffer and be irritable. The resentment, if not managed to control during childhood, can cause serious problems in the future.
It is more common for resentment to appear in those who have a low tolerance for frustration, that is, those children who find it difficult to handle 'No's' and always want to get away with the conflicts that exist. To ensure that your child is able to adequately combat the resentment, follow these guidelines:
1. Don't lose sight of your goals and develop a positive attitude. Many times words like 'I hate you, you will pay me ...', resonate in your head and hurt you. Therefore, it is best to try to understand that it is difficult for your child to assimilate that things do not always go the way he wants and do not forget that your true goal is that little by little he begins to be more flexible and listens to the opinions of the the rest. That way, you will understand that resentment does not serve to avenge or improve your life, only to make it worse. Use phrases like 'I'm sorry you don't like this decision and you're angry but you've shown me that you can talk things out, do you want to do it now?'
2. It encourages you to express your feelings and not repress them. The longer you save them, the more intense they will become and the more difficult it will be for them to overcome obstacles. Therefore, it is essential that you do not force them to apologize out of habit for any conflict if they do not feel it. The only thing you will achieve is that the resentment increases, you feel sad and tense and it does not help to solve the conflict but to enlarge the problem. So start by getting them to talk to you about what happened.
3. It fosters spaces to face their responsibility. Sometimes feelings prevent us from analyzing the situation objectively and make us get carried away by resentment. To overcome it, it is important not to cling to negative thoughts in which responsibility for what happened is avoided and the other person is fully to blame for what happened. Therefore, educate them to try to reflect on the situations from another perspective. The ultimate goal with all of this is for them to be able to move away from resentment and choose the least harmful point of view for themselves. They will realize that resentment is never the solution. For this reason, use words such as 'What happened?', Or 'from 1 to 100, how do you think you have contributed to this happening?', 'Could you have acted in a different way at some point?'
4. Be fair with your consequences and punishments when you break a rule. Stop using disproportionate punishments when you are angry because they have not obeyed you. These types of punishments are not only ineffective but they will feed resentment and revenge, since they will not understand the reasons for the punishment and may think that you do it to annoy them.
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